I was born to do this!

July 12, 2013 (Sierra's Birth Day)

The drive to the hospital is dramatized in most television or movie versions of labor, but for Gus and I it was pretty normal. Luckily what could have been an awful drive turned out quite fine. There was no traffic getting to Sacramento, so it only took us a little over 20 minutes, and the drive actually took my focus off the pain a little. I stared intensely at the cars and the  lines in front of us as each contraction hit. I was getting into a good breathing rhythm. I would push the pain out with each deep breath I took; I even used my hands in a Tai Chi like fashion. I felt silly but I didn't focus on feeling stupid in front of my husband... otherwise my labor would have been REALLY long.

We parked the car in the garage and entered through the emergency doors. Gus was having a hard time filling out the paper work for me, and I was just simply having a hard time. The contractions were still every two minutes and getting stronger. Just then I hear the doors open and a woman's voice with heavy breathing comes in, I look up from the wall that I am leaning on and see that it's another woman starting labor... What do ya know!? Finally we get the paperwork done and I am wheeled up to the birthing center. Things start to get blurry from here, but I will do my best.

We were given a good sized room and assigned an amazing nurse who was extremely accommodating. She helped us with everything. I got hooked up to the fetal monitor and the contraction monitor so they could see what was going on for awhile. I was checked, 1.5cm dilated and fully effaced... Progress since Wednesday! After an hour of monitoring I was "officially admitted" once the timing and strength of the contractions were confirmed. She was impressed with the strength and the frequency of my contractions for being a first time mom. She said normally first time moms move a lot slower, but based on the graphs it looked like I would be having "an intense and fast labor." I stuck to the intense part for sure, but the speed of the labor was another matter.

To get through the pain of the contractions we used a variety of techniques and positions. Sitting on the birthing ball while hanging on to the edge of the bed was helpful and getting in the shower with the water running on my belly was beneficial too. About 3 hours in (3:30am) we were getting tired, the contractions were strong and I needed Gus' support the whole time. He would breath and I would follow him, he would talk about something and I would allow my mind to think about he was saying, he suggested a new position and I took it. I needed to touch him and see him, and know he was with me. I was getting to the point where I would fall asleep for the 20 seconds between contractions and would actually start snoring and then wake up again with the next one. He actually was spotting me on the birthing ball to make sure I wouldn't fall off. At about this time, the nurse came back in to check my progress. 4cm. As she said that, I was looking at the chart on the wall that showed you what 4cm looked like. I was encouraged. 

I told Gus I had enough energy to try and get through a few sets of contractions alone and that he should sleep because I was going to need him more later. That only lasted about 20 minutes before I woke him up in pain. Shortly after that, I was puking all over the floor from the pain. This general "laboring" went on for another 4 hours, when the nurse came back in and checked me again. I was 7.5cm. This is good, I thought, I can make it through this as planned. Then the contractions started coming every minute and my contractions started spiking off the chart for over a minute, before sharply coming back down. Unlike the pretty graphs you see in the books about what contractions look like... "nice waves" mine looked like huge cliffs with a plateau in the middle that went into the land of pain before dropping back off into the 15-20 second abyss of normalcy. What the f*@%! I went through this until about 12:30pm because every time I got checked again I hadn't made any progress from around the 7.5-8cm mark. 

Around this time I start to lose it. I can't get any sleep between the contractions and I am losing focus of my controlled breathing. I can't keep it together, and start to cry. I just want to sleep, I tell Gus, which is about all I can manage to say between the pain. He looks at me and I can tell he is in pain, seeing me in pain. I hate that I can't be stronger, and keep it together better. The doctor comes in shortly after to check on me, the doctor I had met once before (so he didn't really know my intended birth plan). "Oh, so you're a first time mom, and you're planning on doing this without pain medication? Wow, good for you, you're brave." Hmmm. Maybe I am considering pain medication now. The doctor leaves and Gus starts asking me to think about it as a possibility. "You need sleep to push," he says. "You need to have energy for the rest of this." Within 15 minutes I am consenting to an epidural, all-the-while apologizing for "not being strong enough." "Stop apologizing!" Gus demands. "No one is judging you, honey. You've done so good already!" Luckily, I knew it might have to happen because of the position of the baby (OP). 

I got the epidural, which didn't work the first time (but worked the second time, 20 minutes after he came back and adjusted it). I could still feel the contractions, but only the peaks of them and not the whole thing. The nurse and Gus knew it worked because I immediately fell asleep for 1.5 hours after it kicked in. Not long after I woke, the doctor suggested breaking the waters. I had no idea of what to expect. It relieved more pressure and felt good actually. Unfortunately, we quickly discovered the baby had passed meconium in the waters. I was scared that she was in danger... but as the nurse said, "Meconium happens." (What a good OB nurse joke). "We deliver healthy meconium babies all the time. It is expected when you are this overdue." 

I was checked again a little while later and was at 9.5cm. Where I stayed for another 2 hours. At that point my nurse wanted to see if I gave a practice push perhaps the "rim" would move out of the way. Well, my practice push sent my baby into "distress" which is where she stayed for 4 minutes (90 BPM her normal was 140 BPM). So at that point, they figured they would let the baby descend on her own or perhaps drip a little pitocin to help the contractions push her down. So we used pitocin and by 4:30pm the "rim" had moved and I was at 10cm ready to go. This is the part I was waiting for! Now we needed the doctor back. 

He got there at about 5:30pm and I had my first practice push about 5:45pm... "Wait, wait, wait!" he said. "Don't push her out! It looks like you are going to be a good pusher." I told him, "I was born to do this." (My dear friend, Amy, has been sending me inspiring quotes and packages in the mail throughout my pregnancy. Most recently she sent me a bracelet that said this very thing on it.) Funny thing is, that after I was told to push it only took 4 contractions with 3 pushes per contraction to get her out. He had me stop before she got to the perineum and he eased her out with mineral oil, and then had me push again. Once her shoulders were out he asked me if I wanted to take my baby out; so I reached under her arms and placed her onto my belly. When I saw her face for the first time I was awe-struck. Something inside of me changed forever. It was not only love, but what the breaking of the long awaited anticipation felt like. As I said to one of my friends when I was asked about being a mom, "It is what I never knew that I have always wanted."

The cord was wrapped twice around her neck when she came out, so her initial tests were low, but she quickly recovered and all scores improved. After she was given to me Gus and I looked at one another in awe and amazement of the beautiful baby we had created and brought into the world and we cried. I held her in my arms and nursed her right away (she knew exactly what to do). Shortly after that we sent in Grandmas (my mother and Gus' mom), then Grandpa (my dad), and then the aunts (Gus' sister and my sister). We told everyone to come back the following day around noon. 

That night I could barely keep my eyes off of her. I stayed up almost the whole time staring at her. My body was sore in ways I have never been sore before. I had more respect for mothers than I had ever had before. I knew a sense of joy, accomplishment, and love that I had never known before. Gus and I had officially started our family together.

Gus, the first-time dad.